


Siblings Affection

by tinplan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Coming Out, Dave is an idiot, Humanstuck, Internalized Homophobia, Multi, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Strilondes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24979021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinplan/pseuds/tinplan
Summary: Dirk Strider realised he was gay at sixteen years old.Roxy Lalonde came out at seventeen years old.Rose Lalonde kissed her girlfriend for the first time at eighteen years old.Dave Strider was straight.
Relationships: Calliope/Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Dirk Strider, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 10
Kudos: 132





	Siblings Affection

**Author's Note:**

> TW for internalized homophobia. Like, a lot.

Dirk Strider realised he was gay at sixteen years old. His first thought after the discovery was so true it was almost painful.

_‘Bro is going to fucking kill me’_

He was at Jake’s house, which, alone, wouldn’t be a problem. Jake was his best bro, and that meant that he went to his place every time Bro was too much to handle. So pretty much all the time.

Outside the heat was almost unbearable. The Texas sun shined bright in the sky, merciless and hot against the poor skin of his arm in the tank top.

Jake, always the clever one, proposed to go for a swim in his pool. 

His grandmother wasn’t there, and neither was Jade, his younger sister.

The idea of going for a swim with his best friend when they were the only ones in the house shouldn't make him excited. But it did, and it scared the fuck out of him. 

He wanted to say no, to stay and watch shitty movies on the couch with a good three feet of distance between them. But, at the same time, the pool sounded absolutely fantastic in that moment. So he said yes, like a moron.

He hadn’t actually packed a swimsuit, but there was one he left there from the summer before, it was a little tight but it could do. Jake offered one of his but he rather die than wear one of his best friend’s swimwear. He could almost feel Rose’s mockery in his head.

The Harley-English family had a medium sized pool, which was more than Dirk would ever be able to afford in a lifetime. He spent a lot of summers in that pool, playing with Jake and Jade, their grandma never too far away. But, for whatever reason, that moment felt different.

The pool water was cold, he immediately closed his eyes upon contact with it and sighed. Then, out of nowhere, he stopped feeling the pressure of his shades against the bridge of his nose.

"Dude, what the fuck" He muttered, opening an eye. 

Jake was standing in front of him, glasses in hand and beautiful smile on his face. 

"I’ll never understand why you wear those blasted things" While said this, his friend moved to put them at the edge of the pool, next to his own. That was when Dirk realised he was not wearing his glasses.

It wasn’t a big deal, Dirk had seen Jake without his glasses thousands of times. It didn’t change anything, he just squinted more. It hit him that time tho, for whatever reason.

"I told you, I have delicate eyes" Jake moved to be in front of him again, and he sat up from where he was leaning, shoulder straightening.

"Yeah, sure, tell yourself whatever you want" Dirk made a face.

"You sound like Rose, stop that" That had Jake grinning even more, if it was possible. Dirk found himself a bit too focused on his lips for it to be accidental. He ignored it.

"She’s a very smart young girl! I’ll take that as a compliment!" Dirk scoffed and, instead of answering, splashed him. 

Jake gasped, one hand on his heart as he looked with a gaping mouth at Dirk. 

"You scoundrel-" He started, but the only thing he got for that was water in his mouth. He spat and coughed for a few seconds.

"Woah man, are you alright?" He moved closer when Jake kept coughing, worried "Sorry, I didn’t mean to-" And then Jake was on him.

As most things that day, they had fought like that a million times. It shouldn't awake all of Dirk’s senses to Jake’s touch. It shouldn’t make him feel bad when it was gone.

Unlike the other times, however, they found themselves face to face, nose touching. 

Dirk thought Jake’s eyes could be real emeralds this up close, the green reflecting that awful sun to create the beautiful masterpiece that they were. His breath on his face was hot, and Dirk tried his hardest not to stare at his lips.

He failed miserably. They were half-closed, and Dirk could still see Jake’s overbite. They were pink and Dirk thought that he would really like to kiss them.

He realised immediately after the importance of that though. He detached from Jake, not meeting his eyes, and left the pool.

"Howdy, where are you going chum?" He turned to him only after putting the shades back on.

"i’m kind of tired, want to go watch a movie?" Jake smiled widely, as he did when a movie was propositioned, and nodded.

Dirk still took a moment to stare at his lips.

The evening was uneventful and as usual, but in the back of Dirk’s head there was the small whisper of what happened in the pool. If that had been the only time he’d thought something along those lines, there would be no problem. Dirk could just blame it on the moment or the adrenaline and forget about it. But it wasn’t. It was months worth of desires regarding his best friend. 

The problem wouldn’t have been there if he felt the same way about women, but he didn’t. So was he gay? A shiver ran through him, the thought of the possibility, of what bro would have thought.

He was going to die.

He left Jake’s house with a head full of worries. When he got home, Dave was sitting on his bed in their shared room, face lighten by his computer’s screen and a wall of green text on it. He was smiling like an idiot, cheeks pink.

Dirk had to leave at that, because of course Dave could talk to Jade when he wanted, she was a **girl** _._ But for Dirk, the thought of a girl didn’t bring any of the sensation it should have. It didn’t make his heart skip like the notification of Jake’s texts. 

It was only when Dave went to bed that he had the courage to go to the computer and, with trembling fingers, call the only person that could help.

\-- timaeusTestified **[TT]** **began pestering** tentacleTherapist **[TT]** **at 2:12--**  


TT: Hey.

TT: I need your help with something.

TT: Are you awake?

TT: Dirk, is everything ok?

TT: No.

The morning after, Dirk had the answers he needed. He was gay.

* * *

Roxy Lalonde came out at seventeen years old.

She and her siblings had met up and decided to go and eat at Waffle House, under Dave’s insistence. They had ordered and were about to eat when Roxy spoke.

"Hey, I need to tell y’all something" She said, leaning against her chair. Dave, who was already eating, raised his head to look at her, and Dirk gave her a nod of acknowledgment. She didn’t need to look at Rose to feel her eyes on her.

"Actually, it’s two somethings but whatever" She waved her hand, hoping they wouldn’t feel her nervous energy. She gulped, and took a deep breath.

"Firstly, I’m bisexual" She waited for the shocked gasps, but they didn’t come.

"Ok" Said Dirk, leaning his face in his hand. He wasn’t really who worried him, her eyes met Rose’s. She was smiling, smug.

"I figured it out last year" She turned around, speaking with the sing-song tone she had when she was right. 

"What?" Dave sounded genuinely shocked. "You like girls? That’s… weird". A sharp pain spread in her chest, but she kept smiling.

"Dave what the fuck, you’re sixteen, not two" Dirk turned to his brother, voice harsh. In that moment she realised why he hadn’t come out to Dave, despite their closeness.

"What? can’t I have my own opinions?" Dave retracted in his part of the booth, making himself smaller.

"Because you’d like it if I said that it’s weird that you like girls?" Dirk’s face was practically stone, the stoic expression never leaving his features for a second. He was pissed. 

"But that’s normal" Dave argued. Another stab to the chest, her smile faltered.

"Dave" Berated Rose, eyebrows furrowed and mouth downwards. "It’s normal for a girl to like girls too, we’re not in the eighteen hundreds" He opened his mouth, as to reply, but then Dirk took his arm and left the booth with him.

Rose took her sister’s arm.

"He doesn’t mean it, you know that right?" she couldn’t control the tears anymore, they started slowly crawling down her face.

"But does he?"

"He loves you" Rose said, with a voice so sure it calmed her down a bit. 

"I know that" The stubborn tears just wouldn’t stop pouring. "But he doesn’t-"

"He will" She assured him, a hand rubbing her arm. "He has a fucked up idea because of his ‘bro’, you know that"

"That doesn’t make it hurt any less" 

"I know" There was a long pause, then Rose continued "Roxy I-"

It was obvious she wanted to say something, but in that moment their brothers arrived. Dave’s cheeks were pink, and he wiped a secret tear from under his shades. Roxy pretended not to notice. Even before sitting, Dave started speaking.

"Shit Rox, I didn’t-"

"It’s fine" 

"No, no it’s not" 

"I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, I’m happy for you" She knew he was, but at the same she knew he still found it weird, and it hurt her a lot.

"Well, the second thing was that I have a girlfriend"

"Oh, are you and Calliope official now?" She looked at her sister, surprised. Rose just shrugged. "You can meet someone to 'study' only a certain amount of times before it becomes suspicious"

"Calliope uh" Dirk was smiling a little now. "It’s a nice name" Roxy smiled too.

"She’s a nice girl"

Dave didn’t say anything, he just smiled. Things went back to normal after that, with them laughing and joking around like usual. She grinned the whole time. When she and Rose were preparing to leave, Dirk took her aside and hugged her tightly.

"I’ll need to meet Calliope now" She knew it was his way to say that he was happy for her, that he supported her. Maybe to also apologise for Dave’s behaviour.

"You bet your ass you will" Then she hugged him back.

She smiled while saying goodbye to Dave, and he did to. But it was too formal, too fake. She kept her cheery attitude even in the car, even as Rose frowned in her direction. It was only when she was in the safety of her room that she broke down.

She took her phone, hands still trembling while sobs shattered her body, and picked a familiar name.

"Honey! How did it go with your siblings?" Calliope asked, voice happy. Roxy was only able to cry.

"Roxy? Is everything alright?"

"No" She managed to spit out, curled up holding her comforter against her. 

The morning after, Roxy came downstairs and hugged her sister, smile on her face.

* * *

Rose Lalonde kissed her girlfriend for the first time at eighteen years old.

Kanaya wasn’t actually her girlfriend, the two of them had talked and admitted their mutual attraction, but never did anything about it.

That changed the night of Jake’s birthday party. She had been invited as an honorary Strilonde more than as a friend. When she had joked with Dirk that his crush would compromise his party to make him feel at ease, her brother had gone flustered and had muttered a weak response.

As a guest, she had been able to invite one plus one, she choose Kanaya. Dave wanted to invite John, but he was already coming, so he brought his new ‘best bro’ Karkat. Rose silently judged his choice from afar.

The party was, as always, incredible. The cake was made by Jane, and had ‘21!’ scrawled on in it light blue. The music was Dirk’s, and it was good, according to Rose’s inexperienced ear. She had drunk a glass or two, but not enough to even be tipsy, and was dancing with Kanaya. In that moment, she leaned forward a little to whisper something in Rose’s ear. It made Rose shudder pleasantly. That was, of course, until she heard the words.

"I think your brother is watching us" Just to be sure it wasn’t him, Rose took a quick glance in Dirk’s direction. He was talking to the birthday boy, triangular glasses focused away from her. She then looked for Dave, and here he was, clearly staring. Rose was kind of surprised, he’d been doing much better since Roxy’s coming out two years before. He loved Calliope and had been supportive of Dirk when he told him he was gay. 

So why did he look so uncomfortable?

Apparently, his friend Karkat notice too and pinched him in the arm, adverting his attention from Rose. She silently thanked him, and made a mental note to text him later.

It was only hours later that Rose, with more alcohol in her system, and Kanaya stumbled in an empty corridor in Jake’s house. The lamp dimly lit it, not enough to be able to see the end of it, but still enough to see the woman beside her, which was Rose’s goal.

She was sure she already told her, but Kanaya looked beautiful that night. With her dark green dress that hugged her curves perfectly. Her brown hair were kept up in a messy bun, which had some loose strands that fell on the nape of her neck and in front of her green eyes, which were adorned by long eyelashes. The more she looked at her, the more her heart squeezed and she couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

Kanaya’s eyes darted towards her, and she stopped walking.

"Is there something funny?" She tilted her head, light catching on her dress when she moved.

"Nothing, I just..." And for one time in her life, Rose Lalonde did not use her extensive vocabulary to express what she was feeling. She instead elected to reach up and, slowly, raise her face toward Kanaya’s. So deliberately that it couldn’t be anything other than a kiss, to warn her somehow.

But Kanaya did not move as Rose got closer, and they reached the point when they were breathing the same air. And then Kanaya closed the gap. 

Her lips were soft, and her mouth moved against Rose’s. She was much taller, another endearing trait of hers, so Rose had to stand on her tiptoes to kiss her. It was a slow kiss, gentle and deliberate. They took their time and did not rush. It was sweet, and Rose would have wanted to never let go, but she did.

"Ah fuck-" It was only eighteen years of hearing that voice that made Rose able to recognise it. After separating from Kanaya - a thing she had no interest in doing- she turned her head to the dark, where a figure stood.

"Will you wait for me a second, dear?" She whispered, and Kanaya nodded. 

It didn’t take her long to get to Dave. He looked like a deer in headlights and Rose almost felt sorry, before he spoke.

"Woah Rose, sorry I disturbed your makeout session" He was clearly slurring, but there was venom in his words. 

"Dave, are you drunk?" She decided to focus on the smaller problem. Dave shook his head.

"I’m fine. Just go back to your girlfriend already" While saying this, he hit the wall and leaned against it, slowly falling in a sitting position. Rose kneeled beside him. 

"Why are you saying it like it’s a bad thing? Where’s Karkat?"

"First of all" He muttered, in his drunken state "I don’t need a babysitter" Rose rolled her eyes. "And also, it’s not **bad** but, I mean, I just hoped you were straight".

"What" Rose looked at her twin, half sprawled on the pavement, and blinked for the stupor.

"It’s already fucking hard to pretend it doesn’t bother me, ok? because it does, sure, it does less now. But still. I have to pretend all the fucking time that i don’t see the way my brother looks at his best bro, Jon’s **cousin** , and I can’t not look when Calliope and Roxy kiss, because then I’d be homophobic. I can’t lose you too Rose" That- That hurt. It hurt a lot. Rose wasn’t one for crying, but she couldn’t deny that tears were threatening to spill from her eyes.

"You’re not losing me" She whispered, in clear distress.

"But I am" His head lolled to the side, shades almost slipping off. She looked into his red eyes, and they were so genuine. "I love Dirk and Roxy, I do, but it’s not the same anymore"

"Dave" She pleaded "Tell me this is a joke" He shook her head.

"I- Why couldn't we all be normal? I try so hard Rose, I do, but sometimes I have thoughts when I’m out with them and I **know** they’re fucked up but they’re there and I don’t-"

"Why don’t you just get a therapist, I proposed it a thousand times already" 

"Therapists are not for Striders" He said, closing his eyes.

"Dirk has one, he realise your 'bro' left him fucked up and wants to fix it"

"Yeah, well, he’s-" He stopped before the phrase could finish, eyes big. Rose simply looked at him, tears finally spilling.

"Are things between us going to be different?" She asked, in a whisper.

"It depends whether or not i remember this tomorrow" And with that, she couldn’t handle it anymore. She raised from her kneeling position and left her brother there, a mess on the floor.

Dave meant so much to her, he was her twin, the person who was born with her. And he couldn’t accept who she was. She was crying so much it was hard to see the ground in front of her, wandering aimlessly until Kanaya’s voice called her in.

"Rose? Is everything alright?" She shook her head, and fell into the embrace that Kanaya was propositioning.

The morning after, Rose couldn’t look her brother in the eyes.

* * *

Dave Strider was straight.

Out of his four siblings, one of them had to be straight. And that was him. He loved girls, hell, he’d dated Jade for years before they realised they were better off as friends. But, sometimes, Dave Strider had to remind himself that he was straight. Like in that moment. 

"What’s the problem with that guy?" Karkat asked, head leaning against Dave’s shoulders. They were watching a movie, which one wasn’t really important. No, the important thing was that Karkat was half-sprawled on him. Which wasn’t a problem.

Because he was straight. 

And even if he did like how Karkat felt against him, then there was surely something wrong. Maybe he was tired. He was surely tired. 

"Are you ok Strider? You’ve been weirdly quiet" Karkat raised his head to look at him, his big light brown eyes watching him carefully, one eyebrow raised. Dave gulped, and pretended he was not staring at his best bro behind his shades. 

"Me? I’m peachy, I’m just enamoured by the pure shittyness of this piece of art" His voice sounded normal, and he thanked the heavens for it. Karkat moved a bit against him, elbowing him in the side.

"Oh fuck off, it’s a good film" He argued, with a smile on his lips. Dave shook his head, mouth gaping wide.

"Karkitty, I am astounded by the gravity of that statement" Then, he took Karkat’s head in his hands "Are you turning into Jake?". Karkat snorted, freeing himself from his grip.

"I still don’t find Dirk attractive so no, I think I’m safe" The usual uneasiness settled into Dave. The one he felt when someone mentioned his sibling’s sexualities or partners, that he berated himself every time for. Karkat must have notice something in his expression, because he frowned.

"What?" Dave avoided is gaze while he searched in his mind a plausible lie. He settle with a shrug.

"Man, thinking of my brother as attractive weirds me out" Karkat visibly relaxed, which made Dave relax too. He shouldn’t have been happy when Karkat leaned against him again. And he wasn't. He was surely not. 

"I don’t understand why he’s going for the girl" Karkat said, at least half an hour later. "He has clearly better chemistry with the best friend" His face was still glued to the computer screen, so he couldn’t see the downwards tilt of Dave’s lips.

"Dude, he’s straight" Karkat snorted, rolling his eyes. 

"Sure, let’s pretend like the sexual tension between them doesn’t fucking exist"

"Ew dude, gross" He stopped immediately after saying it, realising the weight of his words. Karkat let go of him to look him in the eyes.

"Gross? What the fuck do you mean by gross? Do you find it fucking gross that-" His voice was growing increasingly in volume the angrier he got, eyes planted on Dave’s face for some sort of reaction.

"Bro, it slipped out, I didn’t mean to say it" He kept his face blank, and found comfort in the presence of his shades. Karkat raised an eyebrow, and his face went from pissed to expressionless. Dave’s blood freezed in his veins.

"Does the thought of two guys liking each other gross you out, Dave?" Spoken barely above whisper, as he scooted closer. Dave knew how his cheeks must have looked like, but he didn’t want to think about it. 

"I like boys, do I gross you out, Dave?" Karkat was even closer, so close that Dave could feel the heat from his body. It shouldn’t have felt good, why did it feel good? He wanted to answer the question, to say that no, he didn’t gross him out at all, he was the least gross thing in the world; but he didn’t trust his own mouth, so he simply shook his head. 

"Would it disgust you if two boys kissed, Dave?" The normal thing to do would be to answer 'no', but now Karkat’s face was close to his, and he was having a hard time thinking. And the rest of his brain, which wasn’t occupied dying, was yelling at him at how **wrong** the whole situation was, how **disgusting** it was. But then, Karkat moved a little bit closer, breath hot on his face, lips almost against his. And Dave stopped thinking all at once.

"Does this gross you out, Dave?" Uttered almost against his lips, so close that he felt the words more that he heard them. He gulped, and looked at Karkat. He thanked all gods that he still had his shades, because he couldn’t take this all at once and be that vulnerable. There was a fight in himself, half of him desperately wanted to say yes, that it was gross, to stop. But then, the other half screamed at him that no, he liked this, he liked this a lot, so why stop. Against his better judgement, he uttered back.

"No" And, like a secret spell or a password to the ultimate reward, Karkat’s lips were on his. They were soft, maybe softer than he imagined them to be all the times he glanced at them, and he wanted more. It scared him shitless, the wanting, the way his eyes would linger on Karkat in a room or how his heartbeat would accelerate at his vicinity. Karkat’s lips felt so good on his, even tho they shouldn't. He should have been appalled, should want to break the kiss as fast as possible. He couldn’t like guys, he was straight.

And just like it began, the kiss was over, and an unpleasant feeling spread through Dave’s chest. The striking realisation that he wanted more hit him like a sack of bricks. Looking at Karkat did nothing to help.

His brown eyes were big, lips slightly parted in that way that made Dave panic every time. His hair was mussed, Dave must have passed a hand through them without noticing. He liked that look on him, liked it too much. 

Dave didn’t speak, didn’t look at him twice, he just left the couch and ran. Karkat tried to call him, to reach him, but Dave had always been the faster one, and was able to get home without having to confront his best bro.

His best bro, whom he had just kissed. A kiss he’d enjoyed. **A lot.**

Panic filled him to the brim, and he started pacing the room he was in, almost shaking. He had to tell someone, to ask someone advice, but he didn’t know who.

Well, he did know who, he was just scared.

It was only after a long time of overthinking and pressure, that he opened the computer.

turntechGodhead **[TG]** **opened bulletin board FAM ILY at 18:30.**   


TG: hey

TG: I could use a little help here

ttentacleTherapist [TT] **responded to memo at 18:30.**  


TT: What seems to be the problem? I’m a little busy right now.

TG: wow, now I get how it is

TG: you turn your back on your own family

TG: incredible

TG: this is number one in the top ten anime betrayals 

TT: Kanaya is here.

TG: ah

tipsyGnostalgic **[TG]** **responded to memo at 18:34**

TG: hey Davey

TG: sup

TG: finally, I couldnt wait for my favourite sister

TG: no offense Rose

TT: I’ll have you know that I take full offense

TG: what do u need help with?

TG: ah

TG: that

TT: Yes, ‘that’

TG: ok, I need to start this of by saying one thing

TG: I’m straight

TG: like, as straight as a ruler

TT: I am extremely tempted to send a picture of a crooked ruler, I’ll have you know.

TG: oh god please dont

TG: but, the fact is, I like girls.

TG: but can someone be straight

TG: if they like kissing a guy?

timaeusTestified **[TT]** **responded to memo at 18:45.**

TT: no.

TG: ok so now you enter the chat

TT: I was waiting for things to get interesting.

TG: hey Di-Stri!

TT: Can we go back to Dave’s question?

TG: Yes, thank you

TT: The answer is no, by the way.

TG: Ill have to stick with them on this one

TG: u really cant

TT: Has this something to do with Karkat?

TG: what

TG: no of course not

TG: why would Karkat be involved

TT: As I said, Kanaya is with me.

TT: She is in the middle of answering a block of gray text.

TT: And I caught 'kissing', 'Dave' and 'asshole' several times in the conversation.

TG: wow, spying on your girlfriend? Low blow Lalonde

TT: Dave, what’s happening?

TG: are you ok?

TG: … 

TG: no

The morning after Dave, with trembling fingers, choose Karkat name of his contact list.

\-- turntechGodhead **[TG]** **began pestering** carcinoGeneticist **[CG]** **at 8:30--**

TG: hey

TG: can we talk?

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, I kind of hate this. Still, I worked really hard on it so I'll post it anyway. I tried to do a sort of 5+1 but it's three times Dave's siblings were gay and one time he was.


End file.
